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Modern Classics

by Vorn

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1.
Lonely 03:03
I’m just so terribly lonely Trapped here inside my skull Wanna get out and play Want the people to say Hey man you’re okay We’re all lonely as well I phoned up the radio station But the DJ cut my call And I let out a groan As the dialtone’s drone Told me I’m all alone With nobody at all If I just disappeared tomorrow I’d barely leave a trace My place in the line At the bus stop would fill And my swipe card from work Would be quietly erased I’m just so terribly lonely I’m not even sure I’m here Every place that I’ve been to I seem to be seen through No one’s even mean to me I’m just thin air When you’re lonely like a Wordsworth cloud When you’re solo like a lead guitar Even in the biggest crowd You are alone
2.
The world is stuffed with little people Stuck with little minds And though they seem to see right through you They will never look inside And they will say these little things Just guaranteed to drive you wild But they don’t know you They don’t know you like I know you The whole world’s full of arseholes Playing holier-than-thou And they will tell you that you do it wrong Though they will never tell you how To do it right, and I know why It’s cos they’ve no idea themselves And they don’t know you They don’t know you like I know you They say you’re old, but they don’t know They say you’re ugly, but they don’t know They say you’re strange, but they don’t know Honey, they don’t know you like I do They say you’re mad, but they don’t know You’re stone cold crazy, but they don’t know They say you’re odd, but they don’t know Honey, they don’t know you like I do
3.
Inflation 02:56
There used to be a lot of stuff And not many people So things didn’t cost much And folks were worth heaps Now we’re running out of stuff And there’s more people than are needful So things are getting pricey And humans are cheap Soon we’ll be the only things left on earth And then what will we be worth? Time to push the panic button Amble for your lives Let’s all stampede the melting streets With wild unseeing eyes Because everything you’ve ever known Is winding up to blow And if there’s ever been a time to panic The time is surely now
4.
Friday unfurls like a fist letting go Of the scruff of your neck And you run for the door Cos you know that you only have fifty-five hours Till freedom dissolves and Monday devours Birds do it, bees do it Suspended in the air And the solo mums with the benefit babies Shake it all over town like they just don’t care They don’t care Evening enfolds you and drowns out the cries Of a bleary-eyed morning Which tries to remind you By beating your body all over the insides That everything beautiful comes at a price And you say: I’m going to get some If I have to pay for it And the rugby boys get their nice suits dirty With the living shit kicked from their innocent victims You go in first bro and I’ll back you up Cos he talks a big game but he can’t be that tough Nah I never start shit but you better be sure If it starts I’ll finish it I’ll finish it Birds do it, and I would too But now it’s morning and the pubs are dead So we run to the hills for our rented beds While the hangover hangs over all of our heads
5.
I Wanna Rock 03:02
I wanna rock To throw through your window I wanna hear it crash and clatter on the floor I wanna thrill Clinging to your windowsill And feel the red stuff seeping through my pores I wanna creep Across your room while you sleep My breath pressed tight against my chest Swift and smooth As a needle in a groove While my knuckles glow white in the dark Sweetness, you know I don’t want to hurt you But I will if I have to O yes, I will if I have to I wanna roll Around the floor of your lounge And feel the carpet tickle my hide I wanna open Drawers and wardrobe doors And see what you keep hidden inside I wanna stop Stock still at the drop of a pin My heart banging like a drum machine Flit through your door And be back home before Anybody knows where I’ve been Sweetness, you know I don’t want to scare you But I will if I have to Oh yes, I will if I have to I don’t want to hurt you But I will
6.
Let’s sit down and have a chat You’ve been one of our most productive units It would surely be a shame to let you go But you say things to people other people don’t say to people You say things they only think When they are in the dark alone We understand that everybody’s different And that it takes all sorts to make a world But based on what I’m hearing from your peers I have to say that it’s becoming clear You’re in a world of your own So get with the programme, get with the programme You know that we are only here to help So get with the programme, get with the programme But first you must be prepared to help yourself Now listen We are not without a sense of humour But some things simply fall beyond the pale And when the things that you call jokes Are sowing anguish and dismay, it’s little wonder That our patience starts to fail So get with the programme, get with the programme You know that we are only here to help So get with the programme, get with the programme But first you must be prepared to help yourself
7.
She asked me to help So I tried to help her Cos that’s what I’m here for That’s what they pay me to do An act of good faith Although I’m only little I want to be seen as a man Who does what he says he will do So I asked her to hold And I played her some music I pushed the right buttons Set the right wheels in motion Cos if it’s gotta be done You might as well do it properly And there are forms to observe And there are processes due I did what I could In the way that I should have But it sometimes happens in cases like this That my hands are tied So I took her off hold And I told her, I’m sorry It’s a matter of policy Something that I couldn’t change if I tried And she said some things That don’t be repeating Although she repeated some of them Quite a few times I didn’t speak I just sat there and took it Cos that’s what I’m here for That’s what they pay me to do She said, if you won’t help me At least put me through to Somebody who can I said, look there’s no chance You’ll just get the same answer You don’t understand This is out of my hands Five o’clock came Just when I’d given up hoping I walked home by the water My hands felt so big at the end of my arms Just me and the suits Fresh let out of our boxes Over hundreds of faces A single expression of hopeless calm Just take a look at yourself You can start from your hands You can do things That no other animal can You’ve got huge frontal lobes And opposable thumbs Given to you at birth Now what good have they done you When people come to you With simple requests And you do what you can But you know that your best Isn’t good enough Your best is not even yours It’s a policy matter It’s out of your hands
8.
I never met you But I will never forget you Cos everyone was asking what the hold up was And the hold up was you Nailed beneath the wheels of the 3.30 to Upper Hutt I never met you And now I’ll never get to But I feel as though we suffered from the same despair And you have shown a courage I will never share The faces at the station were painted with impatience They shuffled feet and checked their watches testily And thought of all those dinners Going cold out in the misty valley They did not want your courage They did not want your despair They just wanted you scraped up So that the Main Trunk would be clear And I suppose that someone loved you Though not quite enough to save you But you will always be remembered You will always be remembered As a hold-up on the Valley Line At rush-hour on a Friday afternoon
9.
If we were only idiots This’d all be so much easier I’d say something mindless You’d giggle with mindless glee I wouldn’t disgust myself You wouldn’t see straight through me We’d just do something dumb And wonderful If we were thick as two short planks We’d fit each other famously I wouldn’t cut my fingers on your splinters Every time that I reach out If you weren’t quite so sharp You wouldn’t cut me up We’d just do something wonderful And dumb So let’s just do something dumb Something dumb and wonderful So let’s just do something dumb Something dumb and wonderful Hey, let’s just do something dumb Something dumb and wonderful Let’s just do something dumb Something dumb and wonderful
10.
Small Worlds 03:17
Your mind’s a twist of chaos Like a beat poem in a thought bubble And the sedative’s repetitive denial Of any trouble’s like a tape Stuck in a tape loop in a takeover Not so much hostile As passively aggressive A fully-leveraged sellout And we say things and we sign things That we mean and that we don’t mean And we mean things that we don’t say And we say things that are just mean And the rude boys make a brute noise Like the clanging of a klaxon A leucotomised cacophony Signifying nothing I will see you where parallel lines meet In a freezing inferno, the future’s bright behind me And we will dance in our thousands on the head of a pin Where there’s nothing as small as a world Your mind’s a list of answers That will snap back like a mousetrap Automatically when questioned Like a fielder squealing “Howzat!” Though it’s s’posed to be rhetorical He still thinks you should applaud that He’s done one time successfully The only thing he’s good at And we lose things and we find things That we need and that we don’t need And we need things that we don’t want And we want it to be just greed As a small proof that we’re human And we’re prey to human error An excuse for mediocrity That we hope to conquer never
11.
Repeat these motions No pain, no gain Feel your forehead veins bulge Under unnatural strain Grow, grow Increase in mass Your body is a temple Burn to build to burn to build To become some body
12.
You are a shining light A blazing irridescence You are a brilliant glow An ardent phosphorescence You shimmer glaringly You glint and gleam and glisten You corruscate and flicker Scintillating, incandescent You are a dazzling spark A flash of illumination You beam and glance and sparkle Rays of radiation You effervesce and glimmer You shimmer, wink and twinkle You glitter and you glister and You spangle and you sparkle You are a waxing fire A luminiscent cinder A flicker of refulgence A burning luminescence You dazzle with your lustrous sheen Both luminous and lambent You candently fluoresce Reflect resplendent opalescence You are a shining light

about

“The title ‘Vorn’s Modern Classics’ has all of the self-deprecating irony that you’ll find in this record, and yet like his songs there’s a lot of truth in it too. By my reckoning, Vorn has made a modern New Zealand classic whether he meant to or not.” – Nick Bollinger, The Sampler (RNZ National)

“It's charming, refreshing, and screams…. A delightful listen." – Amanda Ratcliffe

credits

released April 1, 2009

Recorded in Johnsonville, Mt Cook, and Aro Valley, June 2008 – March 2009

Vorn Colgan – guitar, vocals, sequencers, trumpet violin, melodica
Doctor Strangelove – keyboards, vocals
Simon Bayliss – bass, vocals
Declan Bailey – drums
Thomas Liggett – violin, viola

Hannah Cherry – vocals
Ras Stone – vocals
Michael Costeloe – trumpet
Aaron Lloydd – trombone
Rick Young – radio announcer

“Small Worlds” contains a sample of “Small Girl” by The Great Unwashed, written and performed by David Kilgour and Hamish Kilgour and used with thanks by their very kind permission

Mastered by Warwick Donald at Happy

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Vorn Wellington, New Zealand

“Vorn Colgan has been New Zealand's best-kept musical secret for so long now that it seems almost a shame to spoil it.” – Simon Sweetman, offthetracks.co.nz

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